


You Know That I Could Use Somebody Like you

by zaynfreakingmalik



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, it's a bit dark just a general warning but I don't want to give any spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 06:30:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynfreakingmalik/pseuds/zaynfreakingmalik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is just a boy in High School, struggling to survive, along with his best friend Zayn, Louis doesn't understand why people don't like him, or why he doesn't have friends. But then new boy Harry Styles enters Doncaster and everything Louis thought he knew about himself is being questioned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know That I Could Use Somebody Like you

**Author's Note:**

> So, as mentioned in the tags, this story is a bit dark, and it involves a bit of a mindfuck, most people on LJ didn't get it, but hopefully it's clear at the end!

“This entire year could not go any slower,” Louis sighed to his best friend, Zayn Malik. Louis stretched slightly lazily, his entire body was lanky, slim and tall. His sandy coloured hair was swept messily over his forehead, hair which Lou had long ago given up on. Zayn sat next to him on the small dirty white lunch table, students milled around them, eating, talking, laughing. Louis and Zayn sat by themselves, outsiders and outcasts. Watching from the outside. Wallflowers. The pair didn’t mind though. They had been best friends since they were about 7 years old, Louis was in the year above but the classes were mixed with the kids below as well. Louis had been sitting by himself, as usual, none of the kids bothered with him anymore. The girls simply thought he was gross and the lads seemed to think he wasn’t cool because he didn’t like to wrestle over silly things or get his clothes dirty. That was something that had stuck with Lou for a while as well, he was always very conscious of how he dressed. His little sisters teased him about it, being a 17 year old boy who cared more about clothes and his fashion sense then playing football was bizarre. He had to agree with them however. Zayn would typically have been a cool guy. He was very cool, there was something about him that screamed popular, whether it was how big and tough he seemed, or because he smoked (something which Lou’s mum had screamed at him about when Zayn had accidentally left a pack of smokes lying in Louis’ room), or because Zayn just simply didn’t care, he was unfazed by a lot. Zayn at the time when they had been younger had simply sat himself down next to Louis. That had been that, from that day on, much to his teacher’s and mum’s displeasure, the two boys had been inseperable. Even now as they sat at the cafeteria together a group of girls, whom admittedly had not looked that good looking before entering high school, giggled mockingly as they walked past Louis’ table. Lou’s cheeks burned up as they ususally did but he did not say anything, he was not much for making a scene. He didn’t like attention on him, it really was that simple. Zayn laughed good naturedly beside him and clapped him on the back like he usually did.

“Lou, Lou, it’ll be over before you know it!” the black haired boy encouraged him, his tan skin glowing under the harsh cafeteria lights. Louis rolled his eyes at him and picked up a carrot stick just as something came flying over to his table. Green goo splattered all over Louis and Zayn, they both cried out in unison, shock and surprise at what had just happened. Louis could hear loud guffawing from a couple tables over and he knew it was Ryan McKinney, without even looking up. Ryan was the most popular guy at Doncaster Anglican High School. Louis honestly didn’t know what Ryan had that he himself did not. Louis dressed better if he did say so himself. Right now however, Ryan probably looked better then Louis, who was completely covered in green goo, Zayn looking indentical. It took Lou a second to realise that it was jelly. Green, disgusting, melting, sloppy jelly. Louis blinked and tried to shake some of the already melting jelly out of his hair, it fell onto his lap, staining his bright red chino’s even further. Zayn was muttering under his breath as he also tried to clean himself up, everybody has seemingly joined in on the laughter and Lou’s cheeks were burning with humiliation. His jeans and striped blue and white shirt were stained now. Ruined. Louis had only just bought these jeans as well. He sighed to himself,

“Loser!” Ryan called out loudly, over the laughter, it broke out more fresh laughter now, all at Louis and Zayn. Whenever Louis was around Zayn the teasing seemed to get worse, maybe it was because Zayn helped him stand up for himself whenever he could and people, especially Ryan, did not like that. Louis tried to swipe up the green mess from his clothed body as Zayn eyed Ryan in disgust, muttering to Lou about how they should get him back later.

Just another day in the Doncaster life.

**

“Class we have a new student. Eyes to the front Church, same goes for you Tomlinson” Mrs Hoopers shrill voice called out to the class, everybody looked up expectantly at the door, waiting for the student to appear, a low buzz already beginning to form as the boys in the class set their shoulders and jaws and leaned back in their chairs trying to scope out if the new lad was deemed ‘cool’. The girls pushed their chests up, giggling to each other in anticipation. Louis merely slumped from where he sat next to Zayn as usual, in the back of the class, nobody paying him the slightest bit of attention. This decidedly had made History class much more interesting however and Louis couldn’t help but tilt his head to the side, trying to view the new person through the sea of students all doing the same.

“Lad or chick do you think?” Zayn asked from beside him, Louis laughed softly,

“Beats me…” he muttered back, still craning his neck to see. Zayn did not seem interested in the slightest as usual however and he merely cracked his knuckles on the small wooden table situated in front of him.

“If it’s a lad i bet Ryan will take him under his wing. Or Doug will try to fight him. He’ll either date Marie or Tenae. Or if he’s a loser then nobody will bother with him and he’ll go with Liam’s group.” Zayn said in a low voice. Louis nodded back, common knowledge really.

“If it’s a chick then Ryan will try to fuck her, Tenae will hate her. Luke will fall in love with her and she’ll become best friends with Taylor. But again, if she’s a loser then the best bet is Liam’s group” Zayn continued to say, stifling a small yawn with the back of his hand. Louis laughed to himself,

“Losers ourselves aren’t we?” Louis asked, already knowing what Zayn would say to this. Louis and Zayn were losers, sure. But Liam’s group was even higher on the social ladder to being socially acceptable then Lou or Zayn were.

“Different breed, mate. Different breed” Zayn said easily, laughter in his voice. Finally the buzz settled around the class and Louis got a glimpse of the boy standing at the front of the class by Mrs Hooper, looking thoroughly bored and tired already. Louis made a small noise at the back of his throat without even realising it. Louis was gay, but not even that open about it, however it pretty much was a given. Lou didn’t mind if people thought he was gay or straight or bi. They could think what they wanted, they didn’t matter to Louis that much. The boy was absolutely breathtaking. There was just something about him. His hazel brown curls were effortlessly mussed up, his bright green eyes stuck out under the mop of curls on his head. He was skinny and well defined, his cheek bones itself were gorgeous. His fashion sense wasn’t too bad either, Louis stored that in his brain for later. The rest of the class seemed to be having the same reaction as Lou, as if they were all under a spell. Lou was almost angry when Zayn broke the silence,

“Jesus Christ Louis, at least try to act like you’re straight” the low voice whispered, clearly amused. Louis’ mouth had dried up but his head whipped up as he looked over at Zayn who was looking at him carefully.

“Shut up” Louis flushed, Zayn grinned, tapping his fingers on his desk now.

“You’re so embarrassing i swear” Louis muttered, shaking his head. The girl in front of him turned around in her chair, glaring at Louis, anger evident,

“God, can you try to not act like a freak for one second?” she snapped in a stage whisper, a few people close by giggled and Louis ducked his head. He could feel eyes boring into his skull though, and a quick glance at Zayn told him it wasn’t Zayn doing the staring, Zayn was preoccupied glaring at the girl who had turned haughtily back in her chair, her black hair swishing over her shoulders as she did so. Louis looked up, confused and immediately his eyes met green one’s. However the new boy quickly looked away, the teacher smiled warmly at him,

“This is Harry Styles, you know the drill people, don’t make me remind you. Make him feel welcome.” Mrs Hooper instructed them. There was no point in saying that however, girls were already beginning to rummage through their bags for makeup, or to text a friend in another class about this ‘hottie newbie!!1!’. The blokes were smirking around to each other, trying to look tougher then they were.

“Harry, you know much about History?” Mrs Hooper continued on, unaware of anything her class was doing. And fuck Louis if that wasn’t the most perfect name he had ever heard before. Harry simply shrugged,

“Erm…” the boy started and Louis inhaled sharply. The boys voice was low, deep, husky. Sexy. Louis would have fallen off his chair right then and there if Zayn hadn’t gripped onto his shoulder tightly, steadying him.

“Fantastic” Mrs Hooper cut across him, “Just about to hand out this terms assesment task. Working in pairs, maybe it’ll make the transition into Doncaster a bit easier for you, eh?” she asked him cheerfully. Louis couldn’t help but sigh softly, Zayn was already his partner for the project, and whilst Louis would never ditch him he couldn’t help but feel gutted as Mrs Hooper scanned the class list for somebody who already didn’t have a partner. The entire class seemed to be holding their breath and finally Mrs Hooper looked up, her eyes twinkling.

“You’ll be with Louis Tomlinson.” she stated, the entire class turning to stare at Louis who blushed rapidly. Zayn made a noise of protest and Louis remembered,

“Oh but Miss i’m partnered with Z-” Louis began to say, his voice louder and squeakier as usual as he felt Harry’s eyes on him once more. 

“Louis really, i thought you’d have more manners then to talk back to me, or to make up some excuse!” Mrs Hooper cut across him. Louis deflated slightly and gave Zayn an apologetic look who just raised a single shoulder as if to say ‘eh, what can you do’. Louis forced a shaking smile on his lips, all eyes still on him, making him even more flustered.

“Oh.. Uh… Sorry Miss. I- i uh, would love to be Harry’s partner” Lou stuttered out finally. A low, warming, happy sensation that spread through his lower abdomen told Louis that perhaps he’s enjoy being Harry’s parter a bit too much.

**

“Erm you.. You know i can just put both of our names on it, you don’t have to give up your lunch, it’s your, uh, your first day too” Louis tripped over his words, surprise still written all over him when Harry had tracked him down after class and had smiled at him. Lou had been taken aback by the glorious show of pearly white teeth. Harry’s smile was almost too big for his face, but it was geniune, and adorable and honestly quite nice to look at and infectious and louis had grinned back. Harry waved his large around dismissively,

“Don’t be ridiculous. Besides you’re the only bloke i know here, so this is the perfect way to spend my first day” Harry reassured him. Louis’ knee’s shook at the sweet words in that gravelly tone. Louis thanked everything in him once more that Zayn had gone off to his locker, slouching off with a knowing smile as Harry had approached. 

“So erm, do you just want to… Uh.. Sit.. I mean… Here or…?” Louis mumbled incoherently, his golden cheeks were going red, he could feel the heat radiating off them, Harry didn’t seem to notice as he fell in step next to Louis, hiking his shoulder strap of his bag further up onto his shoulder as they walked down the hallway. People were gawking and whispering, Louis didn’t know if it was about him or Harry. He hoped it was him, Harry didn’t deserve this on his first day. Harry was looking around bewildered, he lowered his voice, his breath tickled Louis’ ear and he swallowed audibly, feeling his adam’s apple bob uselessly by his throat.

” ‘S it always like this?” Harry asked Louis, his eyebrows raised as a particular group of girl’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief at the unlikely pair. Louis avoided the green eyes and coughed, looking around uncomfortably,

“It’s um… Probably because of me. I’m not.. I mean people don’t like… I’m just.. Not cool” Louis finished lamely. Harry looked over at Louis in geniune surprise,

“Why’s that?” he simply just asked as Louis pushed open the double doors leading into the packed cafeteria. Feeling small and silly Louis just shrugged, still avoiding Harry’s eyes.

“Well who cares if you’re cool or not. You seem pretty cool to me, Lou” Harry said softly, Louis looked up at Harry in surprise and Harry was giving him a small, shy smile. Much unlike his giant, infectious one. Louis shuffled forward in the line of students and Harry followed suit easily, still glancing around the pack hall indifferently,

“So erm i.. Where’d you move from?” Louis finally asked that being the first thing that popped into his mind and making him feel quite daft. Harry seemed to be quite good at conversating though and he carried the conversation with ease.

“Holmes Chapel. You know the place? Have you always lived in Doncaster?” Harry asked, glancing at Louis as they edged forward once more. Louis opened his mouth to answer as suddenly a tall, muscled boy a couple of spots in front of the pair turned and looked directly at Louis. Lou felt himself shrinking as Ryan smirked at him and easily pushed his way over to Louis,

“Got the jelly out then?” he laughed mockingly, Louis didn’t say anything, just looked down at his battered Toms, knowing that Harry was watching the scene unravel and would soon see just how unpopular and uncool Louis was. When Lou didn’t reply, not feeling confident without Zayn by his side, Ryan just snorted and shoved past Louis easily, his shoulder pushing Louis back. Louis stumbled and just as he made to step back into line next to Harry he saw Harry’s large, milky hand reach out and tug Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan turned around, his face looking fleetingly surprised as he saw it was Harry.

“Mate think you accidentally might’ve pushed my friend there” Harry said in a casual, light tone. His green eyes had darkened however, threatningly. Louis’ eyes widened in shock, he didn’t think he had ever witnessed anybody standing up to Ryan before. Ryan seemed to be sizing Harry up now, a small group of people around them were watching the interaction with interest, everybody else barely seemed to notice however. Ryan must have noticed the way Harry’s hands had curled into fists his side, how his jaw was clenched tightly. Ryan just smiled, faking innocence and flicked his eyes over at Louis before concentrating them back onto Harry.

“My bad.” Ryan said slowly, raising his hands up defensively before smirking and pushing his way past once more. Louis awkwardly resumed his spot next to Harry in the line for food, Harry was staring ahead at the off looking lasagne and frowning, as if unsure of what was safe enough to eat.

“Thanks.. I.. I mean. You- you didn’t have to do that” Louis mumbled, his cheeks turning bright red once more. Harry merely chuckled, quick and low, forcing Louis’ stomach to flip slightly.

“Someone’s gotta look after you then” Harry replied good naturally. Louis opened his mouth to say that he indeed did already have someone. He had Zayn, but as he glanced around the busy cafeteria he didn’t make out the distinct high black quiff, or red varsity jacket. Zayn was nowhere to be seen, Louis frowned to himself but shrugged the thought off quickly,

“How ‘bout we work on this assessment thing at yours then, yeah?” Harry asked him as they finally reached the counter and Harry brightly took as much food as his poor, styrofoam plate could handle. Louis nearly choked on his spit, nobody but Zayn had ever been at his house before, or even so much as seen his mum, but nodded fervently.

“Um.. Um.. Alright!” Louis quickly agreed, knowing he had done the right thing when Harry flashed his teeth at him once more.

**

“Mum is it alright if my friend comes over tomorrow?” Louis asked as he slid his dinner dish into the sink, his mother was leaning against the sink, sipping her red wine slowly. She looked tired and worn out and wearily raised her eyebrows at Louis.

“Not Zayn is it?” she asked in a resigned voice. Louis frowned at her as she took another sip of her wine,

“What’s that supposed to mean? And no, it isn’t Zayn. It’s Harry. He’s new.” Louis replied slightly huffily. He watched as his mother’s dark eyebrows shot up even further and carefully she settled her glass aside, turning to face her eldest child.

“Harry? What’s his last name?” His mum asked, looking suspicious.

“Styles” Louis replied back unsurely, he squirmed in discomfort as his mother continued to eye him, finally she sighed and turned back, picking her glass of red wine back up.

“It’s fine baby.” she replied quietly, Louis couldn’t help the grin spreading on his face in excitement, now all he had to do was figure out what he could wear.

“What’s going on? What’s fine?” Louis’ younger sister, Fliss, appeared in the doorway for the pristine kitchen. She was chirpily bouncing up and down on the spot and Louis exchanged an amused look with his mother.

“Go to bed, missy” Lou’s mother remarked, but she didn’t sound too stern and Fliss instead turned to Louis, looking impatient now.

“What? What? What is it! I want to know!” Fliss squealed, placing her small hands onto her hips, the resemblance to their mother was uncanny and Louis fought off a grin.

“My friend Harry’s coming over tomorrow, so be nice, yeah?” Louis told her, Fliss narrowed her eyes at Louis but let out a small, high pitched, carefree giggle.

“LOUIS’ INVITING ANOTHER IMAGINARY FRIEND OVERRRRRR!!!” She yelled out from the kitchen to nobody in particular. Louis sighed and rolled his eyes,

“Fliss Tomlinson! Bed. Now!” His mother scolded sharply from behind him. Louis turned to give her a grateful smile, but for some reason she refused to meet his eye.

**

“What are you doing this afternoon then Tommo?” Zayn asked as soon as he stepped onto the bus that morning. Louis looked up from where he had been tugging on a stray thread hanging off his red and white striped shirt, the bus lurched forward unsteadily but Zayn continued on his way towards me unfazed, not even getting off balance as he easily slipped next to me on the rigid, uncomfortable seat.

“Uh well that new lad- Harry? He’s um… coming over to uh… work on that project” for some reason this was making Louis blush erratically, Zayn gave him a small look,

“Hanging out with Harry? Styles? Mate come on, he’s going to ditch you for Ryan, he’s one of them not one of us.” Zayn replied, shuffling around the seat now, trying to find comfort. Louis glanced up at him, surprised at how sharply and stand offish Zayn had sounded. What was with everybody and not liking his friends? First his own mother about Zayn, now Zayn about Harry. Louis wasn’t used to having friends, or people wanting to be around him, why did people want to ruin this for him?

“He stood up to Ryan…” Louis mumbled glancing back down to toy with them hem of his shirt. Zayn snorted from next to him,

“You have a bloody crush on him, don’t you?” Zayn shot back accusatory. Louis felt himself blush, the bus rumbled onwards, there wasn’t many people on the bus, seeing as it was early in the morning, nobody caught the bus in the morning. Louis didn’t like how loud Zayn was speaking, it could start drawing attention to them,

“Shutup!” Louis hissed, an elder woman a few seats ahead of them turned and glared at the pair, Louis’ heart was racing, his palms were sweating, he didn’t feel comfortable in the slightest but he smiled a quick, small apologetic smile to the woman.

“You do!” Zayn cried out, he sat up in his own seat, leaning closer to Louis, his breath tickled Louis’ ear and Louis closed his eyes, holding his breath, as if scared that Zayn would hit him. “He doesn’t even know you. What’s he going to say when he knows you? Everything about you?” Zayn scoffed, he shook his head and his black hair wobbled slightly from where it was perched high on his head. Louis felt his cheeks burning and he determinedly didn’t look at Zayn, still fidgeting and squirming in his seat. Zayn leaned back finally, still shaking his head. Louis’ eyes were burning with unshed tears, he hated crying, Zayn had seen him cry many times, but he’d never been the reason for it.

“Why are you being mean?” Louis whispered, his gaze blurring and the colours of his shirt meshing into one big red stripe as he looked down. Zayn didn’t say anything for a while, just sat there, looking out the window at the buildings and tree’s passing by. He didn’t offer to comfort Louis as a tear finally slid down the crook of his nose and into his lap. When he did speak it was muttered and low and it surprised Louis.

“I’m meant to be all you have”

**

Louis kicked a small rock as he and Harry walked side by side back to his from the bus stop, Louis glanced at Harry from the corner of his eye. Harry was grinning as usual, his smile making the corner’s of Lou’s lips quirk up as well.

“Um, it’s not much and er… well my sisters can be a bit of a pain sometimes” Louis explained as his tall built, brown bricked house came into view. Harry however just glanced at Louis, still grinning,

“I’m sure i’ll love it, Lou, you worry too much” Harry stated, shaking his head, sending his curls flying slightly. Louis laughed softly, shivering as he reached for the handle of the front door as they stepped up onto the porch now. Harry glanced at Louis once more,

“You cold?” Harry asked him, Louis’ cheeks went a slight pink but Harry was already shrugging out of his grey jacket and draping it over Lou’s shoulders with care. The blush spread throughout Lou’s entire body and he grinned widely, like an idiot to himself as he looked down at the doorknob, beginning to turn it now,

“We’re at mine, you… you um… didn’t have to do that” Louis muttered, secretly quite glad he had done that. Harry laughed, his laugh was throaty and deep but wonderful, just like the rest of him. As Louis pushed the door open and they stepped into the warm inside Louis hugged the jacket closer to his body as Harry looked around in interest, taking in the pictures of Louis and his sisters hung all over the walls.

“Lou is that you?” Lou’s mum Jay called from the room next to them, the kitchen, Harry turned to face Louis, looking slightly awkward and Louis gave him a small reassuring smile,

“Yeah mum and Harry’s here too!” Louis called back. Silence followed that but he heard his mum sigh softly, which echoed through the hall. Louis frowned, she had told him it was fine to bring Harry over after all, had she changed her mind? Louis started to walk towards the kitchen, Harry following beside him. When Louis entered the kitchen his mother had her back to him, she was leaning towards the sink once more, looking even more tired and drawn with her eyes closed and her dark brown hair acting like a curtain.

“Mum?” Lou asked tentatively, his mum’s head snapped up and looked at Louis, then her eyes spotted Harry and they widened in alarming surprise. Silence enveloped them as she continued to stare at Harry, Harry shifted slightly uncomfortably from where he stood,

“…Erm… Hello. I’m Harry” He said slightly awkwardly, offering her a small smile. Louis glanced at his mother in confusion as she continued to stare at Harry in completely surprise,

“Harry? As in.. Harry Styles? I… i mean… you’re Lou’s friend?” Lou’s mum asked him, her eyes still wide as she took in the green eyed boy. Louis immediately blushed,

“Mum!” He cried out in embarrassment, Harry chuckled easily next to him and ruffled a hand through his brown curls. Louis grabbed at Harry’s arm pushing him gently back out the kitchen and following suit, “We’re going up to my room, try not to do anything else embarrassing while i’m gone!” Louis cried out, his cheeks still aflame as Harry continued to laugh as he pushed him out of the kitchen. Louis’ mum surprised him by laughing as well, loudly, almost hysterically, when Louis glanced back at her though she looked relieved and she was grinning widely,

“Oh wait!” She called out just as Louis and Harry reached the stair case, “Lou your um… your medication, darling don’t forget to take it!” She reminded him, Louis rolled his eyes as Harry smiled at him once more,

“Uh yep, i’ll grab ‘em after Harry leaves” Louis called back, starting to usher Harry up the stairs once more. As they reached the landing and Louis pushed open the door to his room he tried to see it from Harry’s perspective. It wasn’t that bad, some bright coloured clothes were thrown around, as well as suspenders hanging from his door handles. He gave Harry a small nervous look as the younger boy took a small, interested look around and nodded finally.

“Nice room you got,” He said softly, geniunely, looking back at Louis who quickly looked down at his feet, smiling once more like an idiot.

“Um.. mind if i ask you something Lou?” Harry asked quietly, seating himself down on a corner of Lou’s bed, Lou tried to control his running pulse and simply just nodded, not knowing if he could trust his voice after seeing Harry sitting on his bed as if was the most normal thing to be doing.

“What’s the medication for? You don’t have to tell me” Harry added quickly, looking up into Lou’s blue eyes as if scared he’d upset him. Louis however felt slightly relieved he hadn’t asked something like why he was so unpopular. Louis shook his head, smiling and sat next to Harry, trying not to sit too close but Harry shifted closed to him, bumping his knee against Lou’s and causing Lou to burn a brilliant red once more.

“I… uh.. i… um” Louis tried to sort through his thoughts, ignoring the feel of Harry’s knee bumping against his slightly. “I don’t actually know,” Louis admitted, frowning to himself almost in disbelief. He laughed shortly, “My mum told me they had complications with me when i was younger, so i have to take the medication and… that’s all i know really” Louis lifted his shoulders in a shrug and Harry seemed to believe him, nodding simply.

“Alright, cool. Sorry for asking i was just… worried that-” Harry begun to say, Louis glanced over at him quickly an in surprise,

“Worried?” He asked softly. Now it was Harry’s time to blush slightly.

“I just you know, thought you were like… really sick or something and that.. i mean.. i don’t want you to be. I… well i like you Louis” Harry said quietly, Louis looked up into the bright green eyes, they were so close he could make out his long dark eyelashes, Louis’ mouth dried up immediately, he wasn’t so sure if Harry was being serious or not, people tended to make fun of him.

“Oh… um… really?” Louis replied back equally as quiet. Harry was now definitely much closer to Louis, Lou could practically feel heat radiating off the boy, his heart was thudding so furiously he was scared he might have a heart attack. Louis could feel his hot breath on his lips and he looked down to see pink plump lips slowly nearing his own red, chapped ones. Louis’ eyes widened in surprise at what was about to happen and he whipped his head to the side, looking ahead of him,

“PEE” Louis cried out in alarm. Harry froze in his tracks of nearing Louis’ lips and drew back, looking confused,

“What?”

“Pee.. i mean.. i.. i needa take a piss” Louis stammered, his breath coming out in a huge rush. Harry continued to look at him, his eyebrows raised and amusement on his face now, Louis jumped off the bed as if it was made of dynamite and could feel Harry grinning at him slightly as he walked all the way out of the room and shut the door behind him, closing his eyes.

Harry’s gay. Harry’s gay. Well, you think he’s gay. Louis repeated in his head over and over again. Louis inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself as he walked over to the bathroom a couple of doors down and pulled it open, he glanced at himself in the mirror. His eyes were uncharacteristically wide and his cheeks looked pale and flushed, his hair was sticking up slightly and Louis tried furiously to pat it down. Louis didn’t know why he had freaked out really, it was just so unexpected and nobody ever wanted Louis like that.. or tried anything like that it was almost bizarre.

Louis could do this, he’d just go back into his cluttered room and talk to Harry and express his concerns that whilst yes, he was gay, he had never kissed another boy before and what the hell did you do with your tongue? Louis nodded to his mirror reflection importantly and stepped out of the bathroom quietly, he begun to walk back to his room and heard Harry’s low rumble, he slowed down, smiling to himself, trying to make out the words from the other side of the door.

His heart jumped up high into his chest as he heard his mother reply, his hand immediately reached for the doorknob to stop this horrendous interaction at once until he realised what she had said.

“-Louis tell you about the medication?” he heard her ask, her voice muffled and quiet.

“Erm well yeah. Kind of.” Harry’s reply came back,

“He doesn’t know really, well i don’t think so. He never has. My boy…” He heard his mother sigh and Louis frowned to himself, pressing himself closer to the door, trying to make out the words.

“I heard, i mean… some of the lads at the school told me a few things but i didn’t believe them. He seems… you know… fine.” Harry was saying now. Louis made out bed springs and knew his mother was sitting next to Harry now.

“He is fine.. for the most part. Just.. has he told you about Zayn?” His mum asked him, sounding tired and upset. Lou could practically hear Harry shaking his head.

“You’re the first friend he’s had over in years… so, so long. I was scared almost that he’d be with me forever, i wouldn’t mind, he’s my baby, and i love him, i always will. But he doesn’t… i mean he doesn’t really get it, he see’s Zayn as this impressive, incredible lad. The doctors said to just let him have Zayn, for now, least it’s better then when he used to have the attacks and scratch himself at least” Louis’ mum explained. Lou’s cheeks blazed red, scratches? Louis had never scratched himself. Why was his mother saying these things? Embarrassing him like this? He sounded like some nutcase, and why did she keep talking about Zayn and doctors?

“Who is Zayn?” Harry asked quietly and Louis had to strain himself to make it out, Louis’ mum sighed long and hard,

“It’s part of his… well part of being schizophrenic is not knowing what’s real and what’s not. He used to be a lot worse, but then ‘Zayn’ came along and he kinda settled down. The doctors say Zayn is how he wishes himself to look like and be, his alter ego kind of, you know?” His mum said tearfully, sounding tired, her voice breaking slightly.

“I should go, let you and Lou finish up, i’m sorry if i… if i… i just…” Lou could hear his mother sob now, but he stood frozen to the door.

Schizophrenia? What was she on about? Louis was fine, Louis was fine. Louis was fine.

Wasn’t he? Louis stumbled blindly back into the bathroom, his breathing was coming out short and quick as he sat himself down next to the bathtub, trying to think clearly, his eyes blurred and hot, thick tears began to spill down his cheeks rapidly. Zayn was real. Zayn was his best friend. Why was his mum saying these things? Louis didn’t like this. He pressed his hands to his ears, trying to block out the words that his mother had been saying. He let out a sob finally and it was as if it opened up a floodgate, suddenly he was crying quietly, curling up into a ball on the floor and hitting his head with his fists, his eyes squeezed shut tightly.

“Lou.” A soft voice said from beside him, Louis opened his eyes slowly, dark brown, chocolate eyes were level to his own, they slowly reached out for Louis’ hands and pulled them away from his head. Zayn’s fingers were soft and handling Louis like he was delicate,

“Is… is it true? Zayn? What- what’s happening to me?” Louis asked desperately, his eyes flooded with tears once more and he choked on a sob, Zayn sighed and seated himself next to where Louis was curled up.

“No. It’s not true. But, Lou, there is something wrong with you.” Zayn said in a defeated voice. Louis looked over at Zayn, shaking, his eyes wide in fright. He didn’t want to have something wrong with him, he wanted to be normal.

“W-what?” Louis asked his voice breaking on the single word. Zayn glanced down at him, his eyes were dark and hard now.

“Louis you need to wake up.” Zayn instructed him. Louis furrowed his brown in confusion as more tears slipped down his face and onto the cool surfaced floor. “Louis. Wake up. None of this is real. You’ve made up this entire world in your head. But you need to come back now.” Zayn said quietly, soothingly, he bit on his bottom lip, watching Louis carefully. Louis’ stomach lurched and he felt sick, his head was pounding, his nose was running., he suddenly felt very tired.

“… Okay… i… how- how do i wake up?” Louis asked, frightened and small from where he lay. Zayn stood up from his spot and slowly walked over to the sink, pulling open some drawers just as there was a knock on the door.

“Louis? Sweetie you in there? Harry says you’ve been a while” Louis’ mum asked from the other side of the door, her nose was blocked and Louis knew it was because of him, because he was hurting her, even if she wasn’t real. He needed to wake up, Zayn was right. Louis looked over at Zayn in panic but Zayn remained a picture of calm, placing one finger to his own lips to show that Lou needed to keep silent. Zayn finally found what he was looking for in one of the drawers and silently held it out to Louis. Louis stared at the tanned hand, shock registering in his mind as he looked at the sharp, glinting razor outstretched towards him. Louis looked up at Zayn, hesitant and Zayn pushed it closer to Louis, nodding once. The tapping on the bathroom door was more insistent now,

“Louis! Louis, is something wrong? Sweetheart just open the door, okay?” His mother’s voice was quick now, sounding panicked and Louis’ heart jumped into his throat as he glanced at the door knob which was beginning to rattle and shake as she tried to turn in.

“What’s going on?” He heard Harry ask softly,

“Louis’ locked himself in there… Lou! Baby please, open the door!” the doorknob kept shaking and Louis glanced to and from the razor and the door. Louis pulled himself up, shaking completely now, his face pale and frightened looking.

“Louis take the razor. It’s the only way to wake up,” Zayn said, angry now as he insisted the razor into Louis’ hand, Louis opened his mouth to reply but now there was banging on the door,

“Lou! Lou, come on, open up! I’m.. i’m sorry if i did something wrong, i didn’t mean to” Harry called out into the bathroom. Louis bit down on his trembling lower lip and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Louis will you take the damn razor?! For fuck’s sake!” Zayn yelled to be heard over his mum and Harry calling for him. Louis winced and reopened his eyes,

“Go away.. i.. i don’t want to.” Louis whispered, tears beginning to fall more quickly down his face. Zayn’s face contorted into fury,

“Take it.” He growled menacingly. Louis shook his head once more, looking back at the door,

“No, Zayn go away!” Louis cried out, squeezing his eyes closed once more and placing his head between his knee’s.

“Louis? Is… is somebody in there with you?” His mother asked quietly. Louis shook violently from where he sat.

“I…” Louis tried to speak but Zayn was yelling at him and he couldn’t find the words, feeling lost as to what to do.

“LOUIS FUCKING WAKE UP! WAKE. UP!” Zayn had grabbed his shoulders now and was shaking him, Louis tried to push him away but Zayn was too strong,

“STOP IT” Louis shouted, sobbing as he clutched at his head.

“Lou?! That’s it, i’m getting in there.” He heard Harry say over his mother’s screaming and muffled crying. He heard a body slamming against the door again and again and Louis looked up through his wet eyes at Zayn who had never looked so angry and was snarling at Louis in disgust.

The door fell open finally, nearly falling off it’s hinges and when Louis glanced over to see Harry standing there, panting, wincing slightly in pain but rushing over to Louis immediately. Louis tried to speak but all that would come out was crying and incoherent slurs, Harry wordlessly pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly, feeling safe as Louis clung to him, grabbing onto his shirt and sobbing relentlessly into his shirt.

“I don’t want to wake up, i don’t want to wake up, i don’t want to wake up.” Louis repeated, his voice higher then normal. When he slowly found the courage to open his eyes however Zayn was gone, but Harry was still there, holding him so tightly it was surreal and repeating himself over and over again.

“You’re okay. Louis you’re okay. I promise, i’m here. I’m yours.”


End file.
